Not a woman
by Lilliana1981
Summary: Well... You should NEVER tease a blond, pissed ero- cook too much... Otherwise he will teach you a not so gentle lesson... SanZo fic, have fun!


Still not own One Piece, still not making money with this! Hope you like it!

Warnings: Yaoi, language, kind of rape (kind of), SEX (!!!), violence!

Pairing: ZoSan

Please review and be gentle! Reviews are welcome! Thx!

**Yay! It´s almost Christmas! AND: IT´S SNOWING!!!!! It really is SNOWING (!!!) in Germany! And not only in south Germany, but also in Hamburg!!! YAY, WHITE CHRISTMAS!!!! (Like you can figure out, I like snow a lot!)**

**Hope you will enjoy my fanfic! If it´s kind too hard, just tell me. I was actually holding back by the love scene, it´s censored in the text but in my head…. Oiweh… *BLUSH* AND I hope Zoros not looking too weak in this story… Well, you will see…**

**Rated as T!**

**Merry Christmas!**

**Not a woman**

That was it! He had enough! This time that stupid Marimo- asshole really went too far!

Now Sanji would teach him who was the woman and how to treat them right! He looked down at the bleeding Swordsman on the couch of the crows´ nest and if he didn´t know better he would have said he could see the faintest hint of fear in those dark green eyes.

XXX

It actually all started at Skypea. Sanji looked in his closet and chose a Hawaiian shirt. It was light, pink with big flowers on it and would fit his pale colored skin perfectly. Oh how the beautiful Angels and Ladies would look after him in this body forming shirt!

One hour later he was washed, shaved and ready to go. He went up on deck into the bright sun, blinking once, twice to get away the tickling of the sudden sunlight in his eyes. He looked around on the deck of the Going Merry and finally found what he was looking for: Robin and Nami in REALLY tight and REALLY short outfits. He snuffled for not to ruin his shirt caused by the nosebleed attack. He yelled

"Hay, Nami- swan, Robin- chwan!!!" and whirled himself with hearts fluttering all around him over the deck to his two beautiful Ladies.

"You´re looking soooo BEAUTIFUL these days!!! This shirt really suits you, Robin- chwan! And your skirt really-" he did not come any further…

Behind his back he heard a sudden THUMP like a body slamming upon the wooden deck of the Going Merry and then someone behind him laughed his ass off!

He turned around, already knowing who was the hyena, laughing like insane. He saw a green head, rolling back and forth upon the deck, tears bursting out of the corner of his eyes, rolling down his cheeks.

"WHAT IS SO FUNNY YOU DAMN MARIMO???" Sanji yelled in the swordsman's direction.

Zoro suddenly stopped, looking at him kind of serious now with tears in his eyes. He slowly started to make a face like his cheeks would burst within two seconds, closing his eyes half- shot just to burst again into his insane laughter. The whole crew looked at him, totally confused.

´_Well, Marimo- I knew this day would come! You actually lost the three brain cells you had left over after all the Booze and now you really became insane!´_

"I´ll go get chopper asking if he´s got a ´_I- love- to- hug- myself- vest_´ for him (straitjacket)"

Zoro suddenly tried to talk under all his giggling

"Y- Your… hihi… Your sh- sh- shirt!!!"

Sanji had already turned around but now he turned back with a black expression in his face.

"Yeah, Marimo? What is it with my shirt?" he sneered, his voice nothing more than a deep, low whisper.

"You- You actually look like.. muahahaha!!! … You look like…"

"I look like WHAT? Just tell me…"

"You actually look like… like a WOMAN!!! HIHIHI!!! A woman wearing a pink petit four!!! WUAHAHAHA!!!"

And that was it! Sanji stomped over to the giggling man, trying to kick his stupid, annoying ass right into the ether and after that again the hell broke loose between them.

Sanji was too stubborn to change his clothes and so Zoro teased him the whole time on Skypea with his shirt, calling him woman, housewife, lady cook, Blondie and so on and so on… After Skypea the cook was more pissed than ever before in his whole life. He was actually so pissed off that (back to earth) on the next island he decided to make a list for stocking, giving it to Robin and Nami just to disappear for about one week on the island all alone to calm down so he would not kill one of his green- haired Nakama in his sleep…

After that the relationship between him and Zoro was getting even worse. And it really, REALLY did NOT help, that Sanji had to dress up himself like a woman to free Ussop and Chopper from a Marine- base where only female soldiers and female personal were allowed to get in.

XXX

He stood in front of the Mirror and looked at himself. When he actually had to dress himself like a woman he was making it right! He did nothing just half- hearted. So he asked Robin if she could help him to shave his legs (it was a oh so SEXY experience he would never want to miss anymore, *SIGH* heart fluttering), asking her for the right color of eye shadow for his eyes and after that she helped him to put on make up to his face. And there he was now… He was wearing open, yellow High heels and a yellow summer dress (With paper in his Bra he lend from Nami, only the thought of wearing her underwear made his whole body tickle by arousal… But it was not the time for things like this!). He also had made his hair longer with fake hair he bought in the village so he now actually had shoulder long blond hair with light curls in it. His Makeup was a light blue shadow and mascara with a light pink shadow of rouge on his cheeks. His lips also where painted in a light pink scent.

A little smirk ran through his face. He really had to admit that he was looking good! But now it came… He had to go out upon deck… And there HE would be… The Neanderthal… The shitty swordsman… OH MY HOLY, FUCKING GOD!!!! PLEEAASE, let him just fell off the deck and accidentally drown himself before he sees me in this outfit…

He took a deep breath, stiffening his shoulders. He was a man… A MAN for god's sake and somehow he also would get through this!

It wasn´t like the cook would have cared what the Marimo thought about him… No! Really it didn´t matter to him… Really not…

…. …. …

Maybe…

Maybe- just a little… But only a LITTLE, REALLY!!!!

At Skypea- that had kind of- HURT the cook, even if he would never ever admit it in front of the shit- head or in front of himself. Actually he kind of wanted a little of respect from that stupid moron… only a little… He was no woman- he loved every woman in the world but he didn´t wanted to BE a woman… Especially not in those dark, deep green eyes…

Sanji catched himself dreaming and staring like stupid into the mirror on his own reflection. He shook his head. What was he thinking? Stupid cook! Just let´s get go over this at once!

He stomped out on deck, walking now more lightly over to Luffy and the Ladies. Luffy and Zoro would fight the Marine on the port and follow later since the others were going get Chopper and Ussop so they didn´t need any dresses. First the Marimo was nowhere to see. But then he just saw him walking down the stairs on deck of the Going Merry. At first he looked down on deck but then he suddenly looked up, his eyes meeting Sanjis. Zoro stopped, looked at Sanji and gasped. His eyes wandering up and down the cooks' body. And then something happened Sanji never had thought about it could happen:

The green- haired man went bright red! His cheeks flushed and then his whole face went red up to his ears.

And also Sanji blushed under the expression of the swordsman. ´_What is that? What is happening right now?_´ he thought, still looking at the frozen shit- head.

But then suddenly as the blonde wanted to ask the moss- head why his face was colored like a ripe tomato he started laughing again, falling down to the floor, giggling like insane, calling the cook a woman and that he just had wondered how long it would take the cook to admit his real sex.

XXX

Sanji sat in the Galley, smoking one cigarette after the other… He was breeding, burning in hatred, thinking over and over how to kill the green moss- head without any treatments… His mood in the last few weeks had been so pissed off and hot- tempered that he would have been able to light up his cig by a look of his eyes…

After the Marine base infiltration it was getting more and more worse… The Marimo teased him more and more, asking him why he didn´t wear his dress anymore and that he was looking so and so cute and that he would stand near by his side when he wanted to outing himself as a woman in the body of a man…

But one thing had changed…

Even if Zoro was teasing him every time he was near to him he actually never took up a serious fight… He really was a pain in the ass but he never let Sanji live out his aggressions on him when he teased him and pissed him off to the bottom of his soul… And every time the cook asked the green haired man why he was holding back he only answered that the cook must know the best because he would never fight with a woman and hurt her…

It seemed like Zoro had loosened all his respect for the cook if there ever was any… And that pissed him more off than he would ever admit…

XXX

Weeks later at a port of a big city

Sanji and the swordsman had to buy supplies for stock up. This time the Marimo knew better not to say one word by the expression on the cooks face.

Also shit- head seemed to be really pissed off these days, his mood getting more and more worse. If nothing was going to happen they soon would kill each other Sanji thought.

They went on in silence and bought what they needed. On a really crowded place a young girl with a bag looking around everywhere but not where she was going, missing the warning of the swordsman and running straight into him. She fell backwards on her bottom, losing all her supplies. The Marimo looked down at her, really pissed now and shouted

"Can´t you look where you´re going?"

Sanji looked at him in a puzzled expression and became very VERY angry. He said nothing but lend down to the girl, helping her to collect her supplies, giving her a hand to stand up. He bowed his own body in front of her about ninety degrees and apologized for the idiot behind him, causing a loud

"HEY!"

shouted angrily behind his back.

The girl by herself thanked the cook, apologized by Zoro and went away.

Sanji looked at Zoro, shooting him a gaze- if he would have been able to kill people by looking at them the shitty swordsman would now count the grubs on his corpse.

The Marimo widened his eyes and swallowed hard. This look he had never seen on the cook before. He had gone somehow too far he knew. He had already felt guilty short after shouting at the girl but now it was too late. He just could get on like the weeks before if he not wanted to lose his face in front of the crap cook.

And what could he have said to him? That the first time at Skypea his skin was getting even brighter caused by the pink shirt or that he looked just beautiful in this yellow dress with his long, curly hair? He was a _Ladies_ man and they hated each other from the first day they met… Well on Zoros side it wasn´t really hate… It was more kind of… Confusion… He always thought that the dart brow looked kinda nice… Like a woman… And now since Zoro was all inexperienced with these kinds of feelings, especially caused by his rival, almost enemy he had no other choice only to treat him like shit so the cook would hate him even more and never would look deep enough under the shell to catch the Marimo and his feelings.

They went back in silence. After that the cook grabbed the supplies from the swordsman and again shot an angry look to Zoro who leaded him straight ´_out of __**my**__ fucking kitchen_´.

Well, no Booze the next time… SHIT!

XXX

The cook now was alone on the ship. He sat in the crow's nest of the Thousand Sunny, watching the stars. The shit- head left the ship short after Sanji had almost killed him with his gaze. What the hell was going on in his little brain? The idiot never had many manners but that today was awkward, also for him.

A noise behind him let him turn around. He sighed by the sight of the returned Marimo and turned back to watch into the stars.

"What do you want?" his voice as sharp as a razor blade.

"Umm… Nothing… In particular…"

"Then go and get your fucking ass out of my view."

"Why should I? I can stay wherever I want on this ship!"

Sanji smirked to his own surprise at these stubborn words. Well if he was actually ready to talk what was up to him he would give him a chance to apologize… They were still Nakama…

"Not in the Ladies bunk" he answered.

"Well, no- that´s more your territory, isn´t it?"

The cook widened his eyes, still looking at the stars, seeing the reflection of a smirking swordsman in the glass of the window.

"What do you mean?" his voice was low and sharp but somehow the swordsman had missed the expression in the cooks´ voice and leaded himself into his own doom…

"Well, you know- a Lady should sleep by the Ladies…"

That was the point where Sanji snapped. All his self control in the last few months went overboard.

He slowly put out his cig, turned around and stood up. He walked over to the green- haired man.

"Say that again." He said darkly, looking in the Marimos face.

"Well, you know you kind of look like a woman with your blond hair and-"

a fist stopped him in the middle of the sentence.

The blond man had beaten him right into his face. With his right fist- his FIST!!! And he had beaten him hard! With all his might and anger which he had build up in the last few months. The Marimo hit the floor, hard with his right cheek, his bottom lip was bleeding. He saw stars and turned around to look up in surprise onto the shadow standing over him. A knee in his stomach let him lose all his breath.

The cook grabbed a fist full of green hair and draggled the moron over the floor just to throw him hard upon to the couch of the crow's nest. Again a knee in the stomach let Zoro lose all his breath and also let him wince by the sharp pain. A hand grabbed his collar, wriggling it around slender, white fingers, contracting the fabric painfully around his throat. The green- haired man placed a weak hand on the fist of the cook, trying to get out of his steel grip. The cook still had his right knee in his stomach so it was not easy for him to breath.

With a voice like out of a grave the cook said right into his face, just centimeters away so he was able to smell the last cig on his breath

"Now I´ll show you WHO of us is the Lady… And how YOU would treat her with your kind of manners…"

The Marimo looked him in the eyes with this faint hint of fear in them. He almost felt sorry for him- almost!

He released his collar line just to slam again a fist into the Marimos surprised face causing him again to see stars. Now he had to be fast. He untied his necktie, turned Zoro around and bond his wrists together behind his back. So hard that he caused a wince of pain from the man beneath him. One knee in Zoros back he took the three swords out of the Haramaki and placed them gently down to the floor. Sanji looked at the now vulnerable man. He really hadn´t planned this. He also wasn´t planning to rape the Marimo or something he just wanted to show him that he was a man, too and not a woman. And how a woman _and _a man felt when they were treated like shit. Zoro now had his knees on the floor, his upper body upon the couch, facing the backrest.

The man tried to look over his shoulder.

"What do you think you´re doing you piece of- UHN!"

The cook had lend himself down, kneeing behind the moss- head and had grabbed his cock with his right hand just to squeeze him very hard. He bowed himself over the struggling body just to bite the swordsman in his neck until he tasted a scent of copper. The Marimo cried out in pain, struggling even more as the cook started to lick the blood off his neck. He tried to free himself under the weight of the cook just to get a sharp elbow right into his spine.

"UH…!" he sighed in pain, hitting the couch with his forehead. Now, to his horror and surprise the cook unzipped his pants, pulling it down to his knees.

_´He is not going to- no- no that can´t be! He actually is not planning to…_´

He gasped as he felt a cold, strong hand closed around his cock, starting to stroke him rough. His breath getting faster and he couldn´t help himself but getting hard under the experienced fingers of the cook.

He moaned lowly as the cook squeezed him hard again. Suddenly a hand grabbed his hair, pulling him back roughly so the cook was able to look in Zoros face.

"Oh, you seem to kinda like this, _young Lady_?"

"S- Stop… I- I don´t- UHN!" again the cook squeezed, but not so hard this time and stroke him slowly so waves of pleasure started to ran through the swordsman´s crotch. He was going to be raped by his rival and was totally vulnerable under his strong hands. What was going on- he really didn´t like it and he had never imagined that it would happen like this … His FIRST time… And he also never imagined it would happen with him… Well… actually not in the last few days…

The hand released his hair and his head fell back onto the couch. His breath was getting faster as the cook stroked him, sending shivers of pleasure through his whole body. He couldn´t control himself and just burst into tears not believing what was going on. He had never felt so vulnerable before.

Suddenly he felt a pressure on his entrance. His head jerked upwards and he inhaled a sharp breath. The cook was entering him with one of his fingers…

"No- n- no, don´t!" Zoro whispered. The cook started to thrust in and out with his finger, adding a second one after some time, still stroking him hard. The man beneath him shuddered under his grip. His whole body shuddered like a leaf in the wind- and Sanji was sure that the Marimo was close. He stopped stroking, pulling out both fingers. He lend again over the back of the swordsman, licking behind his left ear, causing his earrings to chime onto one another and whispered…

"Now I will show you who is the _man_ and who is the _woman _from both of us…"

Of course he wouldn´t do this. He just wanted to tease him once more. He thought that the moss- head now would yell at him, calling him dart brow and try to kick him with his legs into his crotch- they were still free…

But he had caused another, unexpected reaction from the man beneath him. Sanji had gone too far and now it actually dawned him…

"N- No!" the Marimo shouted, his voice trembling in pain his whole body still shuddering. "N- Not- not like this…" he hiccupped… Wait a minute… HICCUPED?? Was he- was he crying?? That couldn´t be! This strong, stubborn, never showing other feelings than ´_I am pissed off_´ or ´_Yes_, _I am laughing about you_´- and ´_I- want- to- be- the- strongest- in the- world_´- swordsman was- was crying??

"My first time- Not like this…" the man beneath him mumbled with a low, trembling voice into the fabric of the couch.

The heart of the cook skipped a beat. His- his first time? Uh Oh! He had made a biiig, BIIIIIG mistake, that was for sure…

He turned Zoro around, slowly. He looked at the mess he had caused. A broken man lying half naked on a couch with tears running down his cheeks, bleeding lips but still aroused light pink skin, still hard as hell…

"Marimo…" Sanji laid a hand on the right side of his face, forcing him to look him in the eyes.

Zoro went bright red by the warm, sorrowful smile in this beautiful face.

"I´m sorry, if I had known I- I hadn´t…" he sighed and looked at him again. He looked so vulnerable and kind of… kind of cute…

"Will you ever call me a woman again?" he asked, now a serious and angry expression in his face.

The man on the couch looked in surprise, bit on his own bottom lip, jumping over his own shadow. He shook his head ever so lightly…

"Shall I show you how I would treat a woman? The RIGHT way I mean?"

He flushed and also the green haired idiot went again bright red and swallowed hard. They looked into each other's eyes and that was answer enough for the cook. He pulled the Marimo into a sitting position and loosened the knot of the tie around his wrists, taking both arms in his hands, looking at the red marks on them. He chuckled sourly and kissed the marks once, twice, trice.

Now he took the still shuddering man into a deep embrace. As he pulled back, not breaking the embrace, caressing the green hair lightly he looked into the deep green eyes of the man in his arms. Pulling himself forward Sanji licked the blood of Zoros bottom lip away, also begging for entrance. Zoro obeyed and they shared a first, light kiss. Sanji pushed his tongue into the mouth of the swordsman, stroking the other tongue lazily, tasting the other man. After some minutes of deep, passionate kisses he pulled back. Breaking the embrace he pulled both, the shirt and the Haramaki over the swordsman´s head and also stripped off his shoes and trousers. Now he pushed the naked, still vulnerable man down onto the couch. He kinda didn´t like such an obedient Marimo but for HIS first time and THEIR first time together it would work properly.

Now he took off all of his clothes, too, looking one last time at the calm sea. No one would interrupt them the next time.

He lay down onto the warm body, between Zoros legs, kissing him deeply. He wanted to show him how he would treat a woman. He also wanted to be gentle to his inexperienced partner. He didn´t know why but he actually wanted to make LOVE with him and not to fuck him raw like his already at the fake- rape awakened arousal was practically screaming in his head.

He felt rough hands caressing his back. He wandered down to Zoros throat, caressing his upper body with both of his hands, kissing his way down to his nipples to stroke his tongue slowly around them. The Marimo moaned lowly, grabbing Sanjis hair, pulling gently on his blond streaks.

Sanji went down with his face just to swallow him whole. The swordsman jerked, pulling the cooks head up on his hair.

"Cook- don´t –"

"Why not? Are you going to come right then and there when I´m doing this?"

Fast nodding.

A smirk from the cook.

"Good~!" and he swallowed him whole again.

Zoros head jerked back and he moaned loudly.

Sanji slipped one finger between his cheeks and rubbed his entrance gently.

"You- you are… not… planning… to…" Zoro panted heavily.

"Well I told you I´ll show you how to treat a woman…"

With these words he entered the swordsman with two of his fingers and immediately hit the right, sweet spot which made Zoro moan out loudly, tilting his head back as far as possible. Sanji again swallowed him whole, sliding his tongue along his length, thrusting deep into him. He ignored the urging hands on his head and swallowed every little drop as the swordsman came.

He climbed up to Zoros face again, kissing him right under his chin, wandering along to his left ear, biting down on his earrings.

"Can I have you?" he whispered to the Marimos ear.

The Marimo stiffened, already coming down from his high level of post- orgasm. He swallowed hard and nodded.

Sanji placed Zoros left leg upon the crook of his arm, again kissing him deep. He entered the swordsman slowly not to hurt him or to make him suffer in pain.

Zoros breath came in gasps now and he was so fucking tight, even Sanji winced as he squeezed him.

"Relax…" he pressed between his lips and stopped. Slowly Zoro relaxed.

"Ok, go on-" he didn´t need to say it twice. Sanji thrusted deep into him, once, twice, trice… faster and faster until the whole world collapsed for him and his lover…

XXX

The next morning

Sanji stood in the kitchen and prepared breakfast for him and Zoro. After their first time they did it twice during the night… Sanji was in a really good mood, but the shitty swordsman still deserved a little punishment for treating him like a woman… So he wanted to find out if his lecture had worked. The rest of the crew would first come back in the evening and so he was able to wear a special outfit- just for his Marimo…

The door slammed open and a yawning (and limping…*CHUCKLE*) swordsman went into the Galley just to stop right in the open door. His jaw practically hit the ground…

Sanji stood there in his pink apron, yellow high heels and his stupid pink shirt over the yellow dress.

"Good morning, darling! Just sit down, your breakfast is getting cold!" he piped with a very high voice just to spin around and to fly over to his new lover. Zoro tried to turn around to flee out of the Galley but Sanji was faster, leading him firmly to his seat.

"Oh, you are limping, darling!" he teased. "Are you alright?"

"Yes, I- " he had a hoarse voice from last night activities. He had found out that Sanjis name was easy to scream… He cleared his throat, looked at the cook in front of him, smirked and pushed his right fist gently into the other mans chest.

"Very manly, cook! It suits you!"

"Oh, yeah...? Manly you say… Wanna try?"

Zoro widened his eyes.

"No- no, thanks! It suits you better than me!" he said fast and started to eat in light speed.

The cook chuckled, lend down to his face and kissed the swordsman up on his cheek.

"Good morning, darling!" he whispered.

Again the swordsman looked up on him with wide eyes, flushed cheeks and a puzzled expression in his face. He turned his eyes again down to his food, mumbled a little

"Good morning, Sanji…" and actually started to CHEW and to TASTE what he was eating.

Sanji smirked and left the kitchen to change his clothes.

Well, his teaching had worked! What to teach next…?

~FIN~

**And for the ones who like a happily ever after:**

XXX

Back in the Galley he sat himself in front of the Marimo.

"What to do now?" he asked lowly.

"…!" the Marimo went bright red about the one hundreds time in the last few hours.

"… Well, err…"

"Wanna try?"

the blond man asked with a light sparkle of hope in his eyes. He always has had a crush on good looking men and well… Zoro... he was HOT! And he could stand his man against him… He always kinda liked him but was always too pissed by his character. But now he knew why… He had never hoped that Zoro could feel something for him but in the last night, as the green moss- head had hugged him so tight and gave him his virginity he had started to hope…

"…!" Zoro looked at him like a cow onto an UFO.

"SAY SOMETHING! Or better to say BREATHE again!"

"I- I…"

It was more than Zoro could handle and so he just was able to stutter some stupid vocals and to nod like insane. The cook smiled, stood up and positioned himself upon the swordsman's lap. He hugged him around his shoulders and kissed him gently…

This really was better than arguing. But they would never give up teasing and fighting…


End file.
